Surgery helped me. Then I got COVID and pain returned. I have lost my temper when in horrible pain. I become full of rage at the lack of care and concern.

Thanks for sharing. I don't feel as crazy knowing it's temporary & treatable. I need to learn early signs so I can prepare - I told my boss I felt like I was going to flip out; the day prior I told my mom I was feeling fragile. I guess I should have taken more drugs to help with the irritability & overwhelm. I don't always go full tilt but the suicidal rage is terrifying when I do. I am thankful there is a mental health clinic that I could go to in crisis. I feel very different today.

I have PMDD and your symptoms sound pretty similar to what I experience. It's like a switch for me, i go from being completely ok to crippled with negative feelings and anxiousness. I have it for around 2 weeks every month, usually the 2 weeks before my period. The depo injection helped me, but it gave me other side effects so I had to stop. I also did feel a lot more 'sane' after my first excision surgery, it gave me a couple of years with reduced pain which was amazing for my mental health

Have you thought about a out patient program? Specifically an IOP? If your not too keen on hospitalization they can provide you with more support. I just enrolled in an online IOP to help me manage my anxiety and PTSD a little better. I'm supposed to start shortly and will have therapy 3 times a week

I struggled with anxiety quite a bit and depression when I was much younger. Hang in there I know it's hard.